When September Feels Like a Loss as Well as a New Beginning
September is often spoken about as a fresh start. Children return to school, young adults begin college or university, and familiar routines start again. But for some mums, this time of year brings mixed emotions – excitement, nervousness and a sense of loss.
Perhaps you loved having your children at home during the summer. You enjoyed the slower mornings, spontaneous days out and simply knowing they were nearby. You may even feel embarrassed admitting that when everyone else seemed to be counting down the days until school started again, you’re mourning the time with your children.
There is nothing wrong with feeling this way.
You can love your children deeply, enjoy their company and still find the holidays tiring. You can recognise that returning to education is good for them while also grieving the end of your summer together. Both feelings can exist at the same time.
The change can feel particularly significant when a child starts college or leaves for university. Their world is growing, which is exactly what we want for them, but it can leave an unexpected gap in ours. When so much of your identity has been connected to caring for your children, you may find yourself wondering: Where do I fit now? Who am I when they need me differently?
September also brings a physical change in the seasons. The evenings draw in, the mornings feel cooler and summer begins to slip away. Some people love the arrival of autumn, with its cosy jumpers and crisp mornings. But, like me, you may crave the warmth and freedom of those hot, longer days.
We may be wondering - how will the children cope with their new teachers, subjects or friendships? Will they settle into college? How will they manage living away at university? How will everyone adjust to earlier mornings, homework, clubs and new responsibilities?
And how are you going to create a routine that works for this new stage of family life?
Be gentle with yourself as you adjust. Try not to dismiss your feelings simply because other people are celebrating the return to school. Give yourself permission to acknowledge what you are missing.
It may also help to:
Create a simple routine rather than expecting everything to fall into place immediately.
Plan something enjoyable for yourself each week.
Stay connected with people who understand how you feel.
Spend time doing something that belongs to you—not just to your role as a mum.
Notice what you need in this new season of life.
Remember that adjustment takes time for you as well as your children.
September can represent new beginnings, but new beginnings often involve letting go too. You don’t have to rush into feeling positive. Give yourself space to grieve the season that has ended while slowly discovering what the next one might hold for you.
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